It’s the final MELTdown… Dodododoooo, dododoodoodoo!

In three weeks today I’m going to be on a plane to Brazil. WTF.It’s been quite the emotional rollercoaster lately… One minute I’m feeling one thing, and something different the next.*

For example:

One minute I’m sipping overly strong rum and juice (made by the rum-queen and my darling housemate) going on and on about how great Brazil is going to be… Meeting new people, going out for food, experiencing a new city, going for runs in the amazing park (HAR HAR, ok, maybe not the last one). The next minute I’m sat in the back of my year nine class watching an interview candidate teach them, thinking, get away from my class, they’re MY class, I don’t want to leave! THEY’RE MY CLASS, BITCH. Ok, not really bitch. Sorry, lady, I’m sure you’re lovely really. It’s me, not you. 

One minute I’m lying in bed looking at pictures of places in Brazil and South America that I should get to travel to over the next year and thinking, everyone is going to be sooooooo jealous when they look at my Instagram (priorities, obvs). The next minute I’m looking at my belly thinking, ‘Do they sell bikinis in size ‘whale’? 🐳🐳🐳 These insta pics you just thought of… You CANNOT be in them. Podgy.’

One minute I’m having a great time with the people I love and care about, laughing, drinking, dancing, chatting, drinking, eating, grazing my chin, eating, drinking, discussing the political crisis that is overwhelming our country at the moment, drunk texting, eating, etc. etc. etc…the next minute I’m home on my own thinking nooooooooo… I’m going to miss my friends and family! Too much! I have made a terrible mistake! A terrible, terrible mistake! I did a brain fart when I accepted this job. Don’t punish me for that! Someone save me! Can I back out now?! Can I?!

But… Then I realise: London isn’t going anywhere. I’m sure I can get a job here again. All you really need to do to have a bikini body is put on a bikini. And thanks to Skype and FaceTime and Whatsapp and Facebook and Instagram I can still speak to everyone I loveeeeee anyway. Plus with my social media investigative skills I can pretty much work out what (and who) they’re doing all day, every day if I so wanted to. LOL.

*One minute this, the next that is hyperbole in this case. Don’t be so picky. 

8 weeks today!

Two irritants:

1. Passport photographs.

So, I had to get a passport photograph for my police report as part of my visa process. I faffed about and should have done it weeks ago, but instead I did it this week just gone. Before I went to the booth, I put some more makeup on because I know those photos are always gross. To put it lightly, that didn’t really help; I still looked like a fat child/murderer. I’m going to tell myself it’s just the photo and I don’t actually look like that, but maybe it is just my face. Anyway, my main issue with the photo booths is the fact they say, ready, ok… And then take about 19000000294384 seconds to take the actual photo. In the first THREE I was blinking (so I looked like a fat child/murderer with my eyes closed) and THEN she (OK, the machine) had the cheek to tell me I only had one more photo left to take. Talk about stressful, I had heart palpitations that I was going to have to spend another fiver. But I did it, except one of my eyes definitely looks smaller than the other. If anyone wants any of the other photos for their wallet, please do let me know… 

2. Where am I from?

Of all the trials and tribulations of being from England (because realistically, there aren’t really that many compared to lots of other places except general awkwardness and getting tearful when we haven’t had tea for a while) the biggest one is probably filling out online forms. What am I talking about? I am talking about the drop down list for ‘country’ of birth/address/whatever. So, you start with U. UK. Nope. Nothing there. United Arab Emerates and USA are not what you want. Ok, let’s see now, G. Great Britain. Nope… Not there either. Maybe Britain? England… Maybe England. Ok, nope. Narnia? The Known World? Mordor? Note – whichever order you search for the countries in, it’ll always be the final option that is fruitful. Can’t websites just all agree?! Reach a consensus?! Please!

In other news, half term is upon us. I’ve suddenly ran out of time to get sorted because I’ve been telling myself, half term it is! So I go back to London tomorrow and have no option but to actually throw shit away. I’m back in Leicester at the moment for probably the second from final time in a year, which is weird. It’s been goooood fun though. I went to see Kasabian last night and even on just two hours sleep (I always make superb life choices and never spend a Sunday not hanging) they were FAB. 


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